ACDC: A Tribute to Grandma Ginny

It feels like not too long ago I was writing another post similar to this one - and I'm not so happy about having to write about another one. But definitely want to remember the experience and feelings, so here we go...

Virginia Vernon Everts (aka Grandma Ginny)
August 8, 1916 - March 4, 2013
Just shy of 96 1/2 years old

Grandma didn't want a written obituary, so I'm going to write just a few things I gained from some history and my dad's talk at the services held March 9, 2013. Virginia lived 96 1/2 great years, accomplished so much and did it even while going through many hard times/trials. We all know she's strong willed and just has a spicy spirit about her, but that's part of who she was, still very loving, just a very strong woman. She grew up with a brother and sister in Morgan, Utah. Later she married her first husband LaVell Eddington. They had a son Jerry and later divorced. Virginia then worked in Ogden and met her future husband Henry Everts. Virginia moved to SLC to become a waitress at Hotel Utah and soon married Henry and they had 2 sons, Steve and Mark. During their marriage Virginia worked and was a great mother to her sons - supporting them in school work, making band outfits, and even helping Steve financially through a mission. Her example as a mother and grandmother motivates all of us to be better. She has 11 grandchildren all grown up, and many great grandchildren as well. Henry passed away in 1978 and Virginia continued to be there for her children and grandchildren and continued to care for her house, yard/garden, and do ceramics until the last few years of her life. Over the last few years of her life Virginia dealt with dementia and was required to leave her Bountiful home of 54 years in May 2011 and move to the Memory Care Unit of Legacy Village in Taylorsville UT for her health and safety. Her physical health was fine otherwise and she remained in good care with Jerry visiting her several times a week and her other family visiting as often as they could as well. Her memory continued to fail and her body was slowly catching up; as February 2013 came, she was ready to leave this life. She passed away on March 4, 2013 with family by her side at the Memory Care Unit. As described in the services, Virginia could have been compared to Job in the Bible; she actually had many trials from an early divorce, being a working woman, raising children with a husband always traveling and not in the church, then losing her husband years early, and lastly losing her memory of those she loved. She had everything taken away from her by the end and while we will miss her dearly, we are happy to know she now can be with Henry and her siblings that passed before her, with her health and memories all back. We will continue to celebrate her life by remembering her ability to strongly press on and will follow her footsteps.

I've enjoyed MANY memories with grandma, I really couldn't even start to name them all. But mostly I think about visiting her in Bountiful, either with family when I was young, or traveling on my own or later when at college. We'd do ceramics together or I'd play in the yard with the birds while she moved the hose all over... She treated me like I was her favorite grandchild, and after the services in March, I realized ALL of us grandkids felt that way - but no way, I'm the favorite, still very sure about that one :) And even when she moved to the Legacy Memory Unit, I loved visiting her. She still had her spunky personality and every once in awhile you'd feel that she understood that you really were her granddaughter and she'd light up for just a second. Plus those last years were some of the funny ones when she'd still tell us something like she thought my husband was cute or something else just like the old days. I sure love you grandma and really enjoyed all the time we spent together just talking or painting or even being there for my first period (I know!) as well as listening and seeming to understand the hardships I have gone through as well - which now looking back makes me think I should have asked more stories from you! The hardest part of her leaving us right now is that I always wanted to bring a baby to grandma because she just loved them, and finally we're pregnant and she isn't going to meet our little man here, but she must be getting to know him on the other side, I really hope so!

Here's how the last few months have gone for her, and us: Back at the end of 2012 she lost some weight and after an overnight visit in the hospital, they had her fluids back up and the weight loss stopped. And medicines changed. Sadly, we didn't get much of a chance to visit her (my fault or my queasy fault for the last few months) in 2013. We got a call from my Dad on Sunday 2/24 that Grandma had lost some more weight and he'd be talking with the doctor this coming week. Crazily enough (or meant to be) he was headed up to Utah that coming weekend to visit us and grandma as planned a few weeks earlier. Well, again, Dad called Monday saying that Grandma had lost about 28 pounds and was down to about 86 pounds total. She wasn't eating and with that much weight loss, and her not gaining weight back when she loses it - she may have other plans rather than living much longer. They did blood work and as the time went on, it was said that Grandma had probably 7-10 days left.

So Dad came up Feb 28th as planned and from 2/28 - 3/2 we spent most of our time hanging at Grandma's or at lunch/dinner. Grandma was mostly unresponsive by this point. If only I had known, I would have visited her earlier in the week if possible. But visiting her while she slept in her bed, she would still move around and open her eyes every once in awhile. It was definitely like she was telling us hello and was happy to have us there. Sometimes she'd say a little something or just look at us and we'd talk to her. But man those nurses could get her to talk - they'd come move/adjust her and they'd say Hi Virginia, and she'd say "What" or "Hi" and have a small conversation! It was good to hear her and know she was really still with us, just probably partially tired and ready to be done, and going fast.

Sunday 3/3 David & I visited Grandma in the evening after church after all of Mark's family had been here and left. Jerry was there for a bit, but we also had some time alone with her, perfect. We walked in and grandma's eyes were wide open and she was staring out at the window (which was open, unusual) and looking at the sunlight. It was a nice day out there. She was still mostly unresponsive, but she kept those eyes wide open, so I'd sit in front of her stare and she'd move her eyes a bit like she didn't want me to block the sun! It was fun to know she really was there and I bet she just wanted to be out of that room and in the spring weather approaching. Well, I moved slightly out of her view and then just sat and talked with her for awhile. David and I told her updates on our life (like we're having a baby! and maybe moving, and David got into dental school - lots of updates!) and then we just sat and held her hand and rubbed her arm if it seemed like she wanted that. I'd ask if she was in pain, but she seemed okay and I think by this point she had some medicine to help with that. Before we left I gave her a big hug and kiss and told her we'd be back tomorrow, but also told her that if she couldn't be here or needed to go before then, we're okay with that and we'd rather have her not suffering for so long. It seemed right to say, but also hard still since everytime lately we wondered if we'd see her again.

Monday 3/4 Dad texted at 12 that he had just talked to grandma's nurse and said she had taken a turn for the worse and thought she'd be gone within the next 24 hours. Well I was at work and headed to do a manager training so I just kept her in my thoughts and headed in. I did the training till 2, but at 1:33pm I had a text from Dad that said, "Grandma Ginny just passed away 10 minutes ago. Finally she is free!" So I was a little shocked because really it wasn't more than 1-2 hours from the 24 hour period left. We had planned to see Grandma as soon as work ended, but I guess I barely missed her, but we had a great goodbye the night before. Rebecca Everts and Jerry was with grandma and they said I could still come by and they wouldn't pick up Grandma till after 5, so I left work early and David and I headed to Legacy. We were the only ones there with Grandma, but it was very obvious that Grandma wasn't really there anymore in her body. Maybe she was really close, but with the room being quite empty, my guess is she was enjoying her freedom and doing some quick checks on other family further away. It felt different, but we just stayed with her until the mortuary came and took her away. I couldn't watch that actual process, so we were there, but we took a walk down the hall to get a coke, just like we normally did with Grandma most days that we visited with her. We came back and she was headed out to get ready for her big event in a few days. We were left to an empty room, and we sat there talking to my Dad on the phone, gathering a few items for memory sake. I felt out of place and finally we left and grabbed a quick dinner and just chatted about the special experience we got to have over the week.

The rest of the week flew by as family made plans to visit and attend the graveside/funeral services. Dad and I had visited the mortuary the week before so everything was all set up that way, and grandma had specifics all written down - from no big funeral, pink and red flowers, and cheapest casket, to also that my Dad would talk and dedicate the grave, Mark would play and Jerry could do whatever he wanted :) The 3 brothers decided to ask me to plan the family luncheon after the services; I felt honored but also I was in Utah and so I definitely had the time. I picked Bountiful Sizzler as the place because that would make Grandma happy.

The services were held Saturday March 9th, 10am at the Sophie-Jenkins Mortuary in South Jordan Utah. Dad, Rebecca, and Eric & Amanda traveled from AZ to be here with us and Dad. Diane was present by FaceTime as she had surgery the week before. They arrived Friday night and we had dinner, chatted and met up the next morning with us hosting Eric & Amanda at our place. Honestly it was so nice of Eric, Amanda & Rebecca to come. I really appreciated it for me and for supporting Dad especially. Grandma deserved us all to be there for all that she's done for us in her life. Mark and all of his kids came, except Jake who was stuck in Hawaii, so their group was rather large! Eric filmed the event and the rest of us sat together while Dad welcomed and did his part up front with Mark. Dad's words were very sweet and I'm sure Grandma was proud, and Mark and Kathy sang a beautiful song that brought us all to tears. They gave time for anyone to get up and say a few words so most of the grandkids did, including me, Eric and Rebecca and it was a very nice tribute. We then headed to Bountiful where Dad dedicated the grave and we all went around and introducted ourselves to Grandma's neighbors and friends there. There were many special moments, but one for me was the casket: Grandma asked for the cheapest one and so that's all we told them, and when I got there Saturday morning and sitting there at the grave as well, the casket was light pink and had flower type designs all over - just totally looked like Grandma. I'm not sure if this was the only cheap option, but either way, it seemed very fitting and worked so well. It was nice meeting Grandma's neighbors and the Rice children since I usually only see their parents. And it turned out to be a beautiful day while the forcast said rain, it never did. Sizzler was very nice as well - we all sat at 2 long tables for the 50+ group. We spent a few hours there and then everyone headed their own way. Dad took Rebecca to the airport and then the rest of us met up to spend the evening together before they headed out on the flight the next morning.

These were hard weeks for us all, but always good to be able to see family as well. It was nice to talk about Grandma and all of our memories. Dad & Eric put together a DVD of the video Dad had made with Grandma years back, 4 hours! It has been great being able to watch this as well and bring Grandma home with us (along with all our many ceramics out for Easter now!). Thanks to everyone who came and supported the Everts at this time. Below are some older pics and then recent March 2013 event pics. I'm going to miss grandma tons, she really was the only one I grew up with as the rest passed away when I was so young. But I am so happy she is in a better place and with our family that has gone before her. Love you Grandma Ginny!