Last week I found out two acquaintances passed away, one very unexpected. I've thought about it all this past week and hope to continue to feel changed from their events. I wasn't close enough to attend a funeral or anything, but it still hit me hard. I'm feeling extra blessed and thankful to be here with those I love. I feel like I need to make sure I have the right priorities in life so that I'm making the most out of every day and telling those that I love, that I love them. I wanted to write down my thoughts from this past week, I hope it's okay as this may be a more somber post - as well as I hope the families will forgive me for writing about their personal experiences.
My friend Emily lost her Mom to cancer last week. It came quickly and she only was around for a few months after it was detected. Emily is my age, we served together in our past singles ward, and to me that is very young for her mother to pass away. Her mom will miss a future wedding, grandchildren, and so many of those special occasions. I think Emily may be the younger of her siblings because I know there are grandchildren around, but still, I hated knowing that there are events that a mom should be there for and she wouldn't. But at the same time, the family did get to spend many years with her, I just think it's hard to see someone go no matter how long they've lived. From the obituary I learned what a great mother they had and all that she did through her life. I've heard how strong Emily is and know that her mom must still be watching from above. I believe that we will see our families again and that they are watching us from above. My faith is strong luckily to an upbringing in the LDS faith. I guess it was just her time to go and leave her pain behind but still watch over her family while she serves in heaven. I feel so sorry for this family's loss. They are also LDS and plan to see their mom again, it's still hard to have death as something we have to experience ourselves or watch a loved one leave us. They'll see her again soon. Especially since this life is so short in the full plan.
I believe that same day, November 30th, one of the missionaries that I served with passed away; an elder who now has a wife, a 2 year old daughter and one on the way. He has to be younger than me because we served at the same time. I'm not sure how many conversations I had with him, but he spent a lot of time in leadership positions and I did hear him speak and watched how he served throughout my mission in DC. Jared Johansen really was top notch - a person who loved life, did all he could to help others, and then after the mission put his family first. I was shocked when I found out that he passed away in his sleep after a few weeks of not feeling so well. The word got around actually through facebook. He has over 200 posts on his wall from loved ones sharing their memories of him and how he will be missed. I saw my missionary friends posting and couldn't believe what had happened. I started reading what was on his facebook page trying to get more information and at the same time was touched that so many people would reach out that way. I didn't make it through too many before I was in tears myself. I didn't know where he had ended up after our mission but soon found out he left his wife and daughter and one baby girl soon to come in January. And then getting further down facebook I found a short video clip that had been posted by his wife a few weeks ago. Apparently she had just started learning videotography and had been making a few videos of their past wedding, and each of them with their daughter. I watched him with his 2 year old as they picked pumpkins and walked around together, it was so sweet. These videos will be treasured for a long time.
I've just felt so sad for this family since I heard - just so unexpected and such a hard experience to lose a spouse/child/sibling at such a young age. I put myself in this situation and am just not sure how his wife is surviving right now. This week I found a
blog posting from his cousin that really helped give comfort. The past few weeks Jared's been very happy even though he hasn't felt very well, and one evening after being very pale and going to bed, he just didn't wake up. His family almost felt prepared for this as they all have had a chance to say goodbye without knowing it as they got together for Thanksgiving. His wife has been strong knowing that she'll see him soon. I think that months down the road and even years, this will be such a challenge for her. I honestly don't know how I would be okay. I've cried a lot for her this week. I've also tried to feel peace from it, and hope I'm getting there. I didn't even know them that well, but it just hit home. Tragedies are so hard, even with the knowledge that we'll see our loved ones again someday.
I hate goodbyes, maybe not everyone knows this yet, but I really do hate them. Since I was little I'd cry when leaving my cousin Steph's house every summer. I'd cry going back and forth between homes even though I knew I'd see the other parent in a few weeks. I cried leaving best friends as I went off to college. And I even cried when David and I were engaged and he'd go home for the night. Just one night! And death is so much harder. I hate it. When I was little I remember crying to my Dad when I learned what death was, he then helped comfort me. Sometimes I still worry about it even though I know God is watching over me and my loved ones. I've cried myself to sleep several times lately as I think of the unexpected future ahead for these families who have lost someone dear to them. And then I think of "what if this was me??" and that makes it so much more real. I'm blessed to have my family here with me through my life experiences in the past and right now. I don't want to take advantage of all my
relationships, because when life's over, that's all we have. It doesn't matter how our home looks or what clothes we have or even if we were able to check off everything on our to do list. We're stuck in our little life busy with work and school and I just need to take those little moments we have and remember that that is the most important.
The blog I spoke about titled their blog "Forever Changed". (Read if you want, it is a nice tribute and very inspiring) It seemed so appropriate as their family will change immensely from this. I also thought that in my case, I hope to be forever changed inside as I try and cherish every day and spend my time doing what's most important, making memories with my loved ones and doing all that I need so that I can see them again in heaven. Always clinging to Christ and remembering his atonment, especially this time of year. Remembering the real reason we are here on earth and that this is just a small part of God's whole plan. We're here to make it back to be with our Heavenly Father and family and when you look at it that way, we can do it, no matter the trials and how hard it is, we'll be okay and together again someday.
Spread the word about donating to a good cause this Holiday season:
Money will help fund an education for both Reese and Jaclyn (coming Jan 2012).
May those who have passed away know how much they're loved. And may these families find peace and comfort, we'll be praying for you.
